Its about making memories worth repressing
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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