I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
