I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize