We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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