Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
