he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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