I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
