Say something about gay babies.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
