I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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