Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
