I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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