eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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