I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
