U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
being pregnant is like rehab
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
not ubering you a puppy
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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