I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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