those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
