We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
