my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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