Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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