So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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