I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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