Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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