bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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