Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
