Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
