Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
