No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
