I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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