i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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