Can i not drive my cunt home
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
