1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
