I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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