sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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