Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
