Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
