why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
