Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
