I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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