oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
