She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
