Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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