This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
