Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
