Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
