You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
