Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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