tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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