Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
