Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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