apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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