I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
