Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
then he tried to convert me to islam
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
