The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
