He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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