Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm just crazy horny about you
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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