I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
