Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
