just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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