my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
