yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I don't deserve a penis
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
