what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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