I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Less talking, more tequila
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
