If that was your dad, he is hot
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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