dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
