Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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